In the modern-day, there are not many things in this world that I would change. The one thing, the only thing in this world I would like to change is traffic lights. We’re in cars, which means we’re supposed to be moving. Why in hell would there be lights trying to stop us? Traffic lights should be removed as they make people late, they make people vulnerable to accidents, and they’re insensitive to people with disabilities.
Traffic lights tend to hold us up for an undisclosed amount of time for no apparent reason. Sometimes it feels like they take longer than they should, maybe they’re racist and the time is dependent on your skin color. What if traffic lights were equivalent to a paper bag test and every time they saw me they detected a bomb threat, what if they were right? I mean wrong. Anyways, traffic lights are counterintuitive to the point of driving, many people are held up in traffic and end up late to pick up the black powder, used in making homemade explosives, not speaking from experience. Traffic lights slow people down when “the point of driving is to go fast.” (Vin Walker, Fast and Furious).
Traffic lights leave people more susceptible to accidents as people have to wait an undisclosed amount of time at a light based on where they fit on the paper bag test. Cars are moving around them and they’re just sitting ducks waiting for the light to change. If you go on YouTube and search up car crash compilation, as we normal people do, you’ll see a lot of car accidents occur at red lights. On a side note, cops always complain that “people use their phones at red lights.” (43 Precinct). If red lights cause people to use their phones just get rid of the traffic lights in the first place. It's that simple, traffic lights are out to kill and incarcerate minorities. Now think about it even deeper, look at the word incarcerate. What word is featured in the word incarcerate? CAR! It is a proven fact that cars are out to incarcerate minorities, “But Bill Gates won’t tell you DAT!” (Pastor Nem’Hard). From the point of view of a soon-to-be critically acclaimed domestic terrorist, I will be more aware when driving as traffic lights are putting my life on the line.
On top of hating minorities, traffic lights are also insensitive to the disabled population. Based on completely real and fact checked information “10 people die every year due to traffic lights changing colors.” (Stephon Nembhard not to be confused with Pastor Nem’hard). People with epilepsy die due to to the changing colors of traffic lights, which are meant to keep us safe yet they put us in danger and slow us down. It also is a completely real fact that people with type one diabetes have mistaken traffic lights for skittles, once their sugar is low, and got out of their car in attempts to eat the lights. This did not end well as they ran into oncoming traffic and “got absolutely blasted by oncoming traffic.” (Live Leak commenters).
All this had shown us is that traffic lights are racist on top of my other points, being they make people late, they make people more vulnerable to accidents, and they are insensitive to disabled people. All I have to say is fuck traffic light and fuck Bill Gates for not educating us. All these claims are also proven by the greatest society of Pretochnot as they have no traffic lights.
Last updated: